the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
