That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Two words: blizzard sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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