why didn't you poke me back
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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