The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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