also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
