Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
