Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
