The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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