"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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