So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think i have two assholes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
