That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
