Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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