Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
