O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
