He kissed a someone with a penis
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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