..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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