I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
