I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize