LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
