It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
