Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
