I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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