her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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