Don't make out with my wife yet
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
