so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize