that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you had me at cake vodka
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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