then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
