Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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