EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
