If i come over, it means nothing
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
