he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
