Don't you send me to vm
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
