Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
