do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
