I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My balls are so social today.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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