I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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