listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
