How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
