a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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