We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
