the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
