Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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