I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
