i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
