so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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