Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
