I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
