Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
