So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
