shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
