Redeem this text for a blowjob
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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