He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Randomize
