For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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