i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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