When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
