I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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