she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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