i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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