It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
