I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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