Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
