the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize