I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So much rum. So many feels.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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