speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
