Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
