I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Screwed.edu
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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