we made out on top of his cat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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