We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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