I cannot find my penis.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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